A better transition hopefully?

Things have been completely normal these days. On and off emos. Still struggling to get through my past with my own strength so I always have to remind myself to gain the Lord's strength. I wouldn't deny that I still feel uncomfortable when it comes to my past relationship, but I am trying my very best to move on by praying.

Speaking of praying, I have been persistent in praying for a better job! :) Apparently it happened a week ago whereby the boss from next door department (Biochemistry lab) came and asked if I'm interested in working for them with a 1-year contract, as a scientist! Deep in my heart I was thrilled and amazed by God's answer to my prayer! Having to work in Biochem lab isn't easy, especially in a government sector. My major in uni wasn't Biochem but instead it was Haem and Microbiology. So there is no reason that they would have accept my to work as a scientist, not even a level lower as a technical assistant but as a scientist which my dreams would have come true!

I have applied numerous scientists and tech assistants jobs throughout last year. The reason which motivates me to keep applying for jobs is because I want a better change. My current work environment which is a specimen reception area gives me a limited space for me to grow in my career pathway. The feeling wasn't terrific when I'm working as a lab assistant (and it does feels like I'm working as a cashier) to assist scientists by transferring samples instead of interpreting results to doctors etc. I have been verbally bullied; broke down a few times due to stress from colleagues. Having to graduate from a degree and my current job that requires only a diploma level contradicts each other so much, so much that I'm asking God why am I there.

Indeed He has blessed me financially because all this while, it has been a reliably stable job. I have enough to spare and to save. To hear others' experience working in private labs aren't great either. I heard negative feedbacks from private labs e.g. lower pay, worse environment etc. The pay for a scientist in private labs is even lower than working as a lab assistant for government. So, all in all, I am really blessed to be working in hospital all this time.

Anyways, am still waiting for the confirmation email about my start date. I'm so excited! I hope this will be true, I hope rumours will stop spreading and I want to tell everyone that I WILL BE working there in a month's time.

To God be the glory, always and forever. <3

Signing off. :)

Good stuff awaits :)

It has been freaking two years ever since I went back to Sandakan! It's hard to describe my feelings merely in words!

I've been feeling homesick these few weeks. My food train of thought has been emerging every now and then. Yesh the food ahhh.... I don't really know how many friends I would manage to catch up. Frankly speaking I feel like I've been losing contact to many friends ><

The best thing is to spend time with FAMILY :). Nothing else beats that!

Ok really random one I'm just way too excited!

Thanks for the memories :)

I should have been babbling here during the midst of 'emoness' and depression last month. Well, people might thought that I am a fragile person but hey, I am quite proud of myself right now that I am back, with a stronger heart and plenty of gratitude towards what had happened for the last 4 years. 

Guess what? 

Yes, a break up. :) + :( + T.T It is truly mixed with all sorts of emotions. 

People used to think that we are meant for each other (well I did too). People used to know we are each other halves when they first knew us. People used to see us doing things together, especially with those pretty photos posted on Facebook which went quite viral among relatives and friends. 

Oh those places we've went, sunsets we've chased, starts we've gazed, movies we've watched, food we've cooked, birthdays, anniversaries, flowers, gifts, valentines, meeting each other's families, so well known of his wife/her husband, wedding we've attended, bus rides we've sat, first car, first year uni till graduation...... and this list can go forever. 4 years! I can't imagine we've been together for 4 years. 

And now they are all history. 

You know how a lot of pictures or quotes mentioned about when you've reached 20s, you then start to realize your parents golden advice/nagging and now you're telling them 'Mum, you're right?'. Yeah, I have started off this too spontaneously. I didn't pursuit God's way as I was doing my way. We have sinned and have done things which are unpleasing to God. It has been an on off switch for all this while and we were living in guilt. It is ridiculous to tell everyone about this because I am not proud of this. If we were to rewind everything, we could have integrated the Lord's words and understand each other more instead of jumping into it abruptly. Hence, all these piled up and were never been shared to each other. As years went by, I repented and ask for the Lord's forgiveness. Yet I sinned again and again. Such a hyprocrite! 

At some point, he was smacked on the face by God end of this Sept. So did I. We've tried to improve. I think I was struggling a lot, so much that I broke down when he hinted a break up. I went to work everyday with a heavy feeling, as if everyone did something wrong and I was easily frustrated. I even went to another church because he did not want to go to the same church as I did. It didn't make much of a difference until I shared it out with a few close friends and a married couple. I have tried all my best (my best ever besides sitting for exams) to save this relationship.

For some reason God is holding all these back. He told him to stop all these. I couldn't comprehend at first. I surrendered and prayed to God. After talking to my mum, I realized that this is actually a wise choice to take a break from this relationship. It isn't something that it couldn't be fixed but it is something that requires mutual effort plus God.

You know what, after all those two months of crying, I guess I am free for now. If something like this happens in your life, it is when your faith comes in. God is telling me that I am still a precious daughter of His and He will never forsake me. I believe there will still be someone waiting for me in the future. For now, life isn't only about dating. I have neglected my friends and family; more like my time management wasn't right. I have learnt and viewed things in different perspective. 

This is more like a wonderful dream. I have woken up now and am still pressing towards the fullest in life. 

Favourite season while still pressing on

Ola! Spring started off with a few chilly weeks and I believe the warmth should be sipping through the window blinds shortly. Reminds me of 'Triumph in the skies 2', especially Europe's magnificent scenery. The series wasn't as mind-blowing as Western ones but hey, why watch something which squeezes the most out from you after a long day at work? *Grins* While watching that, visiting Europe would be one of my dreams to achieve even though it was such a vague thought. 

Anyways, I've been packed with different activities. To list out some, dancing, applying and reapplying for better jobs, driving, mum's visit, bro's settling down and much more. Life is good and fulfilling. Most of all, it is full of blessings. I won't expect it to be a smooth sailing one especially in terms of this continuous job hunting activity. I believe that God will provide only in His timing and His calling. Wherever, whenever, whichever. At least I am trying and not giving up. It's hard sometimes, especially when arguments and backstabbing are part of the culture yet God's promise and teaching never fail to provide this sense of peace in myself.

Absolutely clueless of why am I here LOL maybe it was that sense of guilty of abandoning bloggie for whole few months. Hence decided to mumble and talk crap again ahhaaa..

Alrighty, signing off for now and see what happens in the next few months yeah? 

Give Thanks!

God's love is abundant and always overflowing. He really answers prayers! 

I remember chatting with a brother in Christ and was complaining about how difficult it is to get an answer from Him. And this brother said: 'Well God will definitely answer our prayers! It is either a yes, a no, or a WAIT.' Most of the time we were caught up by the worldly issues, hence the impatience. Ironically, God's planning requires one to be faithful. The signs in between our requests and God's answer are tests of our faithfulness towards the Lord almighty. 

 It isn't easy to obtain jobs, which most people understood and are still experiencing it way long before me. Yet they still think positive! That is why I didn't doubt God's power during this depressing job hunting period. That is why I am glad to start off a career in my related field (without an interview ^^). That is why I can share such testimony to other people. Most importantly, a good first step towards future pathway has been provided by all means from God.

Wishes of being able to graduate in a foreign country and having a job before my graduation ceremony have been fulfilled! Looking forward to life, looking forward to see my beloved family! <3 life is good!

A ride of gratitude.

After ending 2012 with my success for attaining an honours degree, it signifies another new season in my life. But somehow 2013 seemed to be filled with curiosity and endless uncertainties. 

It has been two long months ever since I've started to apply jobs. Had two interviews yet unsuccessful. Frankly, I have started job hunting earlier than other people- visiting relevant hospitals and labs, sending countless resumes to possible employers, applying for lab jobs through websites, and of course, checking emails and sites day by day. It seemed to be a new 'job' for me, very very routine stuffs you see. 

As time goes by, it bypassed my time frame limit for lab jobs search, which was end of 2012. Ever since then I widened my scope of job, literally any job. Unfortunately it is such a not-on-spot timing to even beg for a waitress job at this brand new start of 2013.  I guess I have printed about 35 resumes to be handed in shopping malls, applied for about ?20 laboratory jobs through online. I could have forged myself to apply more possible jobs. I think I have tried my very best.

Looking at my diminishing bank account, I could imagine people living in a day by day basis. Well not to exaggerate, it is not the end of the world (yet) but still, it's definitely out of my own comfort zone. I can no longer be tied in my mum's apron strings or hide under my daddy's wings. It is time for me to shift  instead of staying stagnant. 

Hence, with God's calling, I accepted this temporary job at New Zealand Natural. It sounds 'ok' to scoop some ice cream and make some juices for a temporary living..... well with 8 bucks per hour for a start. (Heck) Indeed 8 dollars. I was grumbling at first yet it is something to celebrate. God must be testing my patience and blessing me with this short term chance. Nevertheless, I can pay my rent and a lil bit of meals at this point. Tomorrow is going to be a new start and I have to say, thank God. 

Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

Putting away my ego, I'll accept it. I'll work hard for possible gates open along the way. :)

Nothing else but gratitude

Here I am! Officially bidding good byes to exams and assignments (well sadly to the times when I can have lunches with coursemates and all the chit chats!). Nevertheless it was a long ride and surely it's time to move forward!

Thank you Lord, thank you family, thank you boyfie, thank you best friends good friends friends!

Ahh. This feeling lasted for quite long, indescribable :)